I'm somewhere in between fully embracing the idea of leaving Helena & moving on to Missoula and being in complete denial that I'm leaving this place. See, well, Helena & I have a love/hate relationship. Some days I really love it & want to sing it on the rooftop to tell everyone what a great life it is here. Other days I just want to dig for China, and, well, end up in China. Those are two extremes. I guess that's because I'm a pretty extreme person- I'm not just happy- I'm ecstatically passionate and fully devoted to whatever it is I'm happy about. It's come to my realization that I'll be finishing my job in Helena in just under two months. I have a great series of events to look forward to in the next three months- first, I'm going to Portland, Seattle, and Cannon Beach, OR for Easter & vacation with friends and family. Then I finish off work- 6 weeks worth and then my mom visits! We'll do lots of exploring and then I will head off to see a friend of mine living far far away from here- I'll leave the name and location out so as not to give my surprise visit away... Should be fun to do some traveling.
On another note, right now I'm struggling with living in the here and now. Finding things to live for today, not three months down the road. I guess it's when I get bogged down by the everyday details that I start to focus on bigger things further out. As I write that, it makes sense to me. I have been identifying with music a lot lately, spending lots of time finding new artists I identify with, as you can see through a couple blog posts of song lyrics. If anyone has found the secret of living today but looking towards tomorrow, please let me know.
I have made great friends here in Helena, but knowing I will only be here for a year, I was hesitant to reach out too or invest too much into their lives. It's not that I regret that, it's that I just wish I were here longer than one year. I've been trying to keep my leaving on the "DL" lately, but it's inevitable that it will come up sooner or later. I can't just pick up and leave. I'm trying to figure out how to do so with wisdom and grace.
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